Love is one of the most beautiful and the most remarkable things that can ever happen to anyone. It brings you peace, serenity, security and in most cases a certain level of fulfilment. However, it can all turn sour due to a lot of actions, one of them being domestic violence.
Some people may find it hard to believe that a relationship built on love could have not even elements, but a full-blown presence of physical, emotional or any other form of abuse. It gets worst when even the victim would not want to quit the relationship. These issues would leave one in total denial and disbelief of their existence, but the fact remains that these are real events and the victims are real people.
So the question remains – why the abuse? and Why stay where the abuse exists? To answer these questions, we shall be looking at both of them under different headings, to enable us to give out a personal, independent opinion about what our thoughts are on the subject.
Why do people abuse their partners?
This question is not asked for us to rationalize the issue of domestic violence in relationships, especially one built on love. We ask this question to enable us to understand how this could come about in a relationship. Abuse generally comes from a place of power; an upper hand in a relationship. The inequality that exists in a relationship begets the abuse that follows.
This inequality can be occasioned by physical strength, intelligence, or financial status. When a partner has more of the aforementioned in a relationship, it could tend to push them towards wielding such influence over the other partners. Other issues that could then lead to such abuse like jealousy, low self-esteem, obsession, and so on, occur as a result of this imbalance of power which is a ground for such abuse.
Now, we are not saying that the presence of inequality among partners automatically leads to abuse. No, we are saying that its presence coupled with other issues can lead to it. See this inequality as something that cannot be controlled by one side – good or evil. In the right hands, it can lead to growth and eventual equality in the relationship. On the other hand, it could lead to the issue we are dealing with, or something more.
Why do victims stay in domestic violent relationships?
There is no easy answer to this question. A lot of people sum it up to be Stockholm syndrome alone – a mental disorder that sees the victim sympathizing with the abuser, which compels the abuser to keep abusing them. But we cannot just limit it to that alone. As weird as this sounds, some people actually believe it is a price to pay for love.
Human nature has made us realize that almost everything is transactional. To receive something, you have to give something. In that vein, few people who have found themselves in the throes of domestic violence in their relationship feel that it is a price they have to pay for love. A worthy sacrifice that shows that love costs much.
Aside from this, there are a lot of other reasons why people choose to remain in an abusive relationship, and some of them include:
- Fear of an increase in the level of abuse
- Lack of security that comes with being in a relationship
- No one would probably believe them
- The status of the abuser would make it difficult to leave
- In case of marriage, loss of the children or other personal entitlements
- And so on…
In summary, as we stated earlier, love is one of the most beautiful things. The perception that it is transactional is simply insane. As one of the purest emotions, it does not require a price, let alone a price so demanding as staying in an abusive relationship.
No one deserves to be abused. And just like everyone else against this, we on this platform solidly stand against any form of domestic violence in any relationship. We strongly advise that as a victim, you should find someone to talk to or relay your issues to. Look out for helplines within your region for assistance in an abusive relationship.
Remember – no amount of love justifies being abused or suffering in a relationship riddled with acts of domestic violence.
Read Also – Female-Based Violence & Abuse – What Are We Not Getting Right?
